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NICE BODY... LANGUAGE
Dear Les,
I work in a human resources department for a large corporation and professional development training is a big part of my job. I see a lot of stress in and out of the workplace coming from people not getting what they want whether it’s a raise, more responsibilities or dates. I’ve got to say that from my observations, many of these people don’t do themselves any favors with the way they present themselves—I mean with their posture, lifeless delivery, gum chewing, etc. The impression you make on others is conveyed by so much more than words and maybe you can expand on this idea as it relates to stress reduction.
Thanks,
Grace
Grace,
Your comments remind me of Woody Allen’s famous quote: “Eighty-percent of success is showing up.” In line with what you’re saying, 80% of success is also how you show when you do show up.
Body language is a skill that develops from having self- awareness and confidence, good models, and motivation to make positive impressions. Negatively-perceived nonverbal communication can certainly lead to stress if it gets in the way of reaching goals like career advancement, conflict resolution and hooking up. Fortunately, skilled body language can be learned, practiced and improved, and those above-mentioned influences on it can be strengthened, too. Here are some basic training or brush-up tips that can apply to all sorts of situations:
Goals
Before saying something with your body or mouth, think about the purpose of your communication. Are you about to offer your opinion at a staff meeting, request a row change on the airplane, or introduce yourself to a potential partner? Setting the stage in this way can help adjust—sometimes automatically—all the non-verbiage below.
Stance
Standing and sitting up straight can garner you greater respect from the recipients of your communications. Conversely, slouching and leaning might indicate that it’s easy to take advantage of you. Interest and sincerity are expressed by facing others, with your shoulders and feet pointing their way. If you want to communicate disrespect and disinterest, then by all means, slouch, lean, turn away, and of course, yawn.
Eye Contact
Looking someone right in the eyes (occasional glances away are fine) sends a powerful message of interest, sincerity, and confidence. If direct eye contact makes you anxious, try looking at a person’s nose, eyebrows, or cheeks—most likely, they won’t notice your alternate site. More on how to fake eye contact is in the archived Q&A How To Fake Eye Contact linked to below.
Gestures
Another confidence conveyer is slow and steady hand and arm motion. Calculated movements can also highlight and reinforce the important content of what you are saying. If you tend to gesture wildly (often a release of nervous energy), sit on your hands, or put them in your pockets from time to time. Work toward effective gesturing by practicing in front of a mirror.
Vocal Volume, Tone, and Pace
Speak steadily and convincingly. Try not to pepper your verbiage with “um,” “uh,” or “you know?” Halting and timid speech can be strengthened by first practicing in your head what you want to come out of your mouth. Adjust your voice volume to your surroundings. If you are a less assertive speaker by nature, you can better make yourself heard—literally and figuratively—by talking a little louder than you think is necessary.
Speaking Skills
Listen to speeches, reporting, and dialogue of politicians, journalists and actors if you’re looking to improve your grammar, vocabulary, and delivery skills. Most of these people have been trained to speak professionally, and many do it really well without coming across as full of you know what.
Timing
If you want to communicate effectively to someone while others are present, think about waiting to speak to him or her one-to-one. Group dynamics tend to reduce a person’s ability to concentrate, and to clearly hear and understand what you are saying—especially if your communication might be interpreted as embarrassing. For example, suggesting to Tyrone, in the presence of others at a cocktail party, that he’d do well by carrying a pack of breath mints with him at all times, might not be the best way to alert him to his hideous halitosis.
Grace, if your colleagues aren’t doing themselves any favors with their sub-prime body language, why not do a favor for them and your company by scheduling a “Body Language Aerobics” session? It sounds like you’d have a lot to teach, and none of us are so skilled that we can’t benefit from some practical demos and direct feedback.
Signing off with a handshake, eye contact, and a smile,
Les
2/08
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