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COFFEE TALK BREWS ANGRY REACTION
Les,
I was in the Starbucks Cafe at my local Barnes & Noble enjoying a rare respite with coffee and magazines. A gentleman started using the walkie-talkie function of his cell phone. Outrage propelled me to sternly tell him to take it outside. It turned out he was blind and I was chastised by another customer. Any thoughts?
Dear Asker,
Is this a trick question? What’s your blind coffee mate’s speakerphone use got to do with his visual impairment? Unless he has difficulty using his hands and head to access the phone and its controls, he should be able to hold the phone to his face just like the rest of us. Differently-abled people don’t automatically get to follow different rules of etiquette. Lax enforcement of any café phoning rules doesn’t do much to discourage bad manners either.
Now, you may have been hopped up on caffeine, but “outrage” seems like a grandé reaction to walkie-talkies apparent rudeness. Second-hand cell is stressful all right, but maybe taking some quick deep breaths before you address similar future offenses will calm you down and produce more peaceful outcomes. Another concern is that you “sternly told him to take it outside.” Yo, he may be obnoxious, but he’s not your kid or your cocker spaniel. Maybe an “I” statement followed by a request would have sufficed and kept that other patron at bay; something like, “Excuse me, I’m trying to read and wonder if you could take your call off speakerphone or outside.”
Your instinct to let off steam through communication is a good one. Again, cooling off first with something like the Quick Calm exercise on the homepage here, and adding a little sugar to your response, can better your chances of coming up with a less bitter resolution.
Les
12/07
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