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STRESSED, DEPRESSED, OR JUST A MESS?
Les,
I’m having a hard time figuring out if I am depressed or just stressed so much from my job and other responsibilities that it feels like I’m depressed. I guess that I am really trying to determine this to then decide whether or not I should go to a therapist. If it is only stress, then maybe I can reduce it and avoid the stress of finding a shrink, finding time to go, and paying for it. I am 29 and I know I sound like a self centered mess. My question is how can I more easily figure this out?
Needing help in New York
Dear Needing help in New York,
“Self-centered”? Wear that label proudly if it means figuring out how to better your health, relationships, work, and therefore the state of the world. Your question is an excellent one and we’re lucky that you found the time, energy and courage to send it.
One of the more stressful and sometimes paralyzing things about stress and depression is that they get us into the rut of trying to figure out on our own what’s wrong with us, why we feel the way we do, and how we can feel better. But any kind of emotional strain can cloud our ability to accurately answer those questions. This is why I go on and on about getting outside perspectives from mental health professionals, or from friends and confidants if psychotherapy is not an option. You don’t have to be stressed, depressed, or even know if you are stressed or depressed, to talk with a counselor. Actually, they’re much better trained than you are to help make that determination.
To address your question directly, you can be stressed without being depressed, and you can be depressed without feeling stressed. But stress—especially when it’s constant and caused by big challenging situations like breakups, financial crises and health problems—can wear down our spirits and bring on depression. So, do you have depression, or are you just stressed and sometimes down like a lot of healthy people? Experiencing one or more of the following symptoms continuously for at least a couple of weeks will indicate that you may very well be depressed and will be helped by counseling and perhaps medication:
- feelings of sadness and emptiness
- loss of interest or pleasure in activities that used to be enjoyable
- fatigue and decreased energy
- difficulty concentrating or making decisions
- problems sleeping including waking up too early or oversleeping
- eating problems (i.e., disinterest in food, weight loss, and/or overeating)
- irritability, excessive anger, or frustration
- feelings of irrational guilt and worthlessness
- excessive crying
- chronic aches and pains that don't respond to treatment
- feelings of hopelessness or helplessness
- thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
You may now have a better sense of whether you are stressed, depressed, or both. Whichever, New York and many other areas have lots of people and places to go to for help:
- your employer’s human resources department or employee assistance program
- your insurance company
- your school’s counseling and student support services
- universities and hospitals that might have free or low-fee assistance as part of training and research programs
- non-profit organizations and government departments dedicated to health and wellness, some of which charge clients based on what they can afford to pay
- primary health care providers such as nurses and physicians who can recommend other providers and services
- friends, family and colleagues who might suggest assistance based on their positive experiences
If you haven’t had those ongoing depression symptoms, you certainly could try to actively reduce your stress solo. You know that I’m all for stress reduction, but doing so sometimes means much more than breathing deeply, managing time, or going to Disney World. Dumbo-size stress reduction in particular may only come from figuring out needs and goals, making plans, changing jobs, altering relationships and other big decisions—all of which may be better made with an “outsider’s” input.
It may take a while to get where you want to be, but your question alone certainly predicts a positive outcome to your quest for a calmer and clearer New York state of mind.
Les
11/07
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