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BEATEN WITH A BUSY STICK
Dear Les,
I got a call a few days ago from a friend who suggested that we have lunch to catch up as it has been a while since we’ve seen each other. I happily agreed and sent an email yesterday proposing lunch sometime during the next two weeks. Here is the email that I got in return: “I am so hopelessly busy ... I will look at my sked and get back to you.” His message kinda leaves me feeling like I imposed on him and that if I’m lucky he’ll be able to squeeze me in. I also wonder why if he’s so busy, he even proposed lunch in the first place. I’m annoyed, sick of all the busy crap and actually feeling badly because I do have enough time to have lunch. Do you think I should call him on this, tell him I’m too busy when he emails me back, or ignore it?
Not-so-busy B,
Dear Not-so-busy B,
Not so fast on taking offense to busy guy’s reply. I see why you’re peeved by his response, but his “hopelessly busy” status does not necessarily mean that he doesn’t want to do lunch now or when he originally served up the idea. Maybe his head and “sked” were less packed a couple days back, but then meetings, papers, car trouble or kid stuff got in the way. Could his message be a cry for help and a chance for you to aid a friend in need? Asking if he’s okay might alert him to both the signals he’s sending and a need to balance the busyness. Alas, some active beavers just need to demonstrate their importance or worthiness by wielding that busy stick, and that ain’t no fun for those within striking distance.
We also need to remember that our interpretations of email messages are not always accurate, and that our own feelings and expectations can skew the messenger’s true intent. This is one email where some icky emoticons might have come in handy—maybe a sad face after “…hopelessly busy” and a smiley after “…get back to you.” Well, he might have been too rushed to even express his e-motions.
Speaking of interference from our own hard drives, your bad feelings about actually having spare time for a lunch break also make a lot of sense. Sure, it feels good to be engaged and productive, but money-focused cultures increasingly associate these hyperactive personal and business “lifestyles” with wealth, popularity, happiness, vitality, power, blah, blah, blah. So, if you’re not rushing around like a headless chicken, you must be a lame duck. And because we just can’t help comparing ourselves to others, any insecurities we carry around tend to rise to the surface when comrades have stuff we want, or go places we think we should be.
But, if your goals are homegrown (not overbuilt on comparing yourself to others) and you’re pursuing and/or reaching them with time to spare for non-work activities, then bully for you. I guess you could also ask yourself: “Do I really want to feel or be hopelessly busy?” Sounds kinda depressing to me.
Here’s hoping that the above will inform your next move, and thankfully it sounds like your schedule and head are open enough to thoughtfully consider your feelings, friend and friendship.
Les
10/07
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