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ERECTION STANDS IN WAY OF MASSAGE
Dear Les,
I would like to get a massage to relieve my stress, but I don’t because I’m afraid that I will get aroused right there on the table (I’m a guy). I don’t think I would even be able to relax because I’d be so focused on keeping a certain muscle still. I’m not interested in getting a massage “with release,” but I am frustrated that I can’t take part in this type of stress management (the massage). Has anyone else had this concern and what have you suggested?
tense latino
Dear tense latino,
Not only have others of all ethnicities, orientations and genders raised your concern, it also pops up around physical exams, personal training and getting tattooed. Touch induced physical arousal if and when it happens means that you are alive with a healthy response to stimuli. Massage causes a relaxing parasympathetic nerve reaction in our bodies that increases blood flow, sometimes straight to the genitals causing partial or full erections. Truth be told, erections do not require genital stimulation and sexual desire at all: you could just be getting your ankles rubbed while thinking only about Donald Trump, and your apprentice might still stand at attention.
As long as someone isn’t going for a back rub or testicular exam with the goal of getting turned on, well trained, licensed and competent massage therapists, and other professionals who need to touch clients as part of their work, should respond sensitively to erections, hard nipples, natural lubrication, etc. This will either mean not responding at all if a client doesn’t appear to care, or if he/she does show signs of discomfort, offering a quick explanation to ease the mind, something like, “Physical arousal is usually just a reaction to touch and a sign that you’re relaxing.”
I know: this all sounds swell, but you’d still rather not fear or sport a stiff one while your biggest organ (your skin) is being lubed and loosened. So, here are some tips to dissolve the pre-massage anxiety that keeps you from this potent stress-reducing activity:
- Consider whether a masseur’s gender, age and/or other characteristics might affect your reactions and select your therapist accordingly.
- Focus on your breathing, music, scents and other stimuli as long as they don’t prevent you from relaxing.
- If you’re aware of select areas on your body that really get the blood flowing to your groin, you might ask your provider in advance of the massage to work around these locations. You don’t have to explain such requests, or you could say something like, “My ankles are really sensitive, so if you could avoid them, great.”
- Keep the towel, drape or your underwear on—massage and deep relaxation do not require nudity. Some therapists prefer or require their clients to cover up, and some states mandate this practice.
- Exercise, masturbate or otherwise “relieve” yourself prior to the massage to reduce potential penile distractions during your appointment.
- Try different masseurs and types of massage till you find one that allows you to really relax. As with doctors, counselors and other providers. you have the right to shop around.
- Think about Donald Trump.
Your erectophobia is understandable. Our overall angst about everything in the vicinity of sex—even if sexual activity isn’t on the table—often makes massage, working out, relationships and lots of other encounters more stressful than necessary. No, you don’t have to see a psychologist before you get good rub, but some further probing about the roots and rationality of your angst may help to diffuse it, chilling you enough to experience and enjoy massage’s many exciting—oops, relaxing rewards.
Les
10/07
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