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PEEING UNDER PRESSURE
I’m 28, a guy, and I get really stressed when I have to use a public bathroom. I know it’s not a big deal for most people to pee in public, but it ranks among my most dreaded situations. I could be standing there taking care of business just fine, but if someone walks in, I turn off like when you let go of the button on a water fountain. Sometimes I can’t even get started because I’m worried that someone will join me. At concerts and football games I hold it in, but it hurts and I’m a grown man who shouldn’t have to deal with such things. Are there any stress management techniques that would help (please don’t suggest I see a shrink or wear an adult diaper).
Peter Out
Dear Peter Out,
Sharing restrooms is a really big deal for millions of adults and children who end up just standing there with your same fears and anxiety. This condition is called paruresis (a.k.a. pee shyness, bashful bladder, etc.) and affects both men and women, some to the point of breathing difficulties, panic attacks, and refusal to even step foot in toilets for two or more. The notion and reality of bathroommates, urinating on demand for drug tests, and even using bathrooms on moving vehicles, produces the stress response which includes muscle constriction that usually shuts off the free flow of waste—a natural stress reaction that you vividly illustrated with your water fountain image.
Here are a few different exercises that, done solo or in combination, may relax and distract you enough to make your men’s room visits less stressful and more productive:
Visualize a 40-year flood:
Aim, close your eyes, and imagine that you’re alone in the wilderness. You’re standing atop a giant dam ready to drench the valley below. Your hands are on the release valve; open the valve and let the deluge begin. Standing by the edge of a river, listening to it flow to the sea could suffice if the dam thing is a little over the top. You may have other calming and distracting mind pictures—whatever helps.
Make organ music:
Download some flowing water or other calming sounds to your handheld device and listen to them while you’re using your other handheld. Try closing your eyes here as well to boost the distraction power of this suggestion.
Loosen that grip:
Since muscle tension often restricts urine flow, tense the muscles in your abdomen, groin and buttocks to stimulate muscular relaxation in that same area (read The Tranquilizer page for details on how this technique works). Again, aim, close your eyes, inhale deeply through your nose or mouth, squeeze, hold and release.
The experience of paruresis can come and go, and its specific causes can be varied, intermixed and unclear. It does, however, have roots in our psyche, so despite your request, I’ll end by saying that health care providers of all kinds may ultimately be the best sources of assistance for you and everyone else who doesn’t want to deal with this serious stressor.
Les
4/07
Reader Feedback:
Les,
Thanks for the great response to Peter Out in the question Peeing Under Pressure. I'm 43 and have done battle with this problem all my life. I, too, shut
completely off at the sound of the door handle or of someone standing
near by. If they're already at the urinal when I enter, I might as
well just leave as trying to go in their presence - and feeling the
added pressure of standing next to someone and doing "nothing" - only
makes it worse. I don't know how I came to have this problem and over
the years it has caused me much discomfort. Closing my eyes as you
have suggested really does help. I don't know why I never thought of
that before. Also, what has helped me has been going into a stall
whenever possible. I also have been trying to condition myself mentally
to embrace the noise and presence of others by imagining them at the
urinal with me when I am alone. And I have had a modicum of success.
This also helps when I am functioning fine and someone else enters or
stands nearby. Before I would shut off completely. Now, I can
continue to urinate, although the flow diminishes to a weaker stream.
Overall, my anxiety level has diminshed greatly thanks to my ability to
relax more as you've suggested, and visualize what I fear so that when
it happens (someone entering) I don't shut off like a kinked hose. The
anxiety of traveling, road trips with buddies, etc., plagued me for
years. And while it still is a problem from time to time when I'm not
able to get a stall or john to myself, overall things are much better.
Just wanted to share my story. Thanks again for helping those of us who
are pee-shy.
Jamie
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